Blast from the Past IV

4. Funk Soul Brother

Now I am adding this special edition on Mr Funk Soul Brother at special request of Mfcpresident (the name says it all... president of the ?still existing M*#@^%~ Fan Club)

Mr Funk Soul Brother taught Moral classes in school.  Our school was broken up into four houses (yes, like Harry Potter but so much less fun @_@).  Anyways Mfcpresident and I were in the Red House, which was Funk Soul's house.  Now everyone in the whole school was expected to attend our annual sports day whether we were involved or not (to be honest, every year probably half the school only turns up because no one really takes it seriously considering there is no focus on extra-curricular activities in Asian schools.  Who wants to sit in the 30-40 degree sun all day when every year, it was more like a comedy act to see which of our seniors would dramatically collapse on the floor and be made a fuss over after each race from lack of stamina and heat exhaustion - yes, pathetic, I know... but what do you expect where there is no training or practice, just throw a bunch of kids into a running track and expect them to be able to run marathons?)

Unfortunately, I could run sprints, so I was always expected to go to the Sports Day every year.  I don't know who arranges which students to go in which event, but somehow I was placed in some stupid long distance races (even as reserve) which I know I'm shit at (i.e. one of those with no stamina.)  From memory I don't think Mfcpresident was in any events (Mfcpresident, were you?  Correct me if I'm wrong LOL) so of course she didn't bother going.  Anyhoo, I went as usual, and I was supposed to do this 100m sprint, but somehow there was a really long crowd (not even a line, typical!) to give your name and number to the booth before your race started, so I couldn't even get out there as I wasn't ticked off the list in time!  Anyways, I wasn't in any other races so I just went home after that, didn't bother sitting around the whole few hours in the baking heat.

Anyways back to the topic.  Funk Soul calls Mfcpresident and myself out of the class the next day and demands why we "didn't go."  Of course, like I mentioned before there was no listening to reason with Asian teachers... I try to tell Funk Soul I missed the race because of the long "queue" and he stares at me for one second before hollering at us "Immoral people!", with his hand shooting up like an arrow ("Heil Hitler!" style, and with the swiftness of a guy having a hard-on) his index finger pointing rudely at us.  

What the.  Ok, fine.  Immoral people we were.

Being the great Moral teacher he was, Funk Soul decided to pick on us.  He would tell some stupid stories in class and then suddenly point in Mfcpresident and my direction, saying "Why you people never laugh at my jokes?"  Um... because they're not funny?  Why in the world would you force students to laugh at your comments?  It would not be genuine, it would be fake laughter.

And we had to learn all these moral values about being humble, and being sincere.  And according to our textbooks, there was a moral value that was equivalent to "sincerity" which was all about doing something good out of the kindness of your own heart without telling everyone about it so that everyone would think you were such a swell guy.

Anyways, Funk Soul would always boast about the "good" things he would do.  Like he would remind us on multiple occasions, did you know how he was totally "not proud" and that even though he's a teacher (whoop-de-doo), he would always say good morning to the cleaners and the guy who opened the car doors for the younger students at the school porch even though they were "blue collar workers."

WTF.  How rude.  This guy was so totally full of himself.  If you were sincere you wouldn't be boasting about how you were such a nice guy just because you said hi to the "blue collar workers."  And even by calling them that, you're already looking down on them and trying to point out that you're better than them.  Geez, man, even the students and other teachers say hi to them, they just have the grace to not go around bragging to everyone else about how humble they are.

With the sincerity of Sweeney Todd to Beadle Bamford, "You are a paragon of integrity."

Sweeney Todd

Racism at Carlton Post Office

Before you jump to conclusions, this case of racism is not of the usual sort.  No, it is worse.  This is a disgraceful case of Asian bullying Asians, as you will clearly see from this most despicable tale.


JRabbit was at the Carlton Post Office.  She was waiting at the line in front of the counter, and as the previous person finished and left, she approached the counter.  Now, the person behind the counter was an Asian chick - she wasn't doing anything in particular, but she told JRabbit sternly she couldn't approach the counter, to go back and wait a few feet back.


Now Asian chick wanders around the counter, taking her time doing who knows what, and then when she is finally done, she deplorably ignores JRabbit completely, and gestures to an Aussie man standing in line, asking him to come up to the counter.


JRabbit could not believe what is was seeing.  The Aussie man is reluctant and a bit embarrassed, he gestures to JRabbit and has the decency to tell the Asian post office girl, "I'm sorry, but I think this woman was here first."


By now, JRabbit is furious.  She approaches the counter, and tells the Asian post office girl, "I was here first, and you told me to go back.  Now you want to serve the Aussie man before me.  You're Asian but you're bullying other Asians."  The Asian post office girl has nothing to say but keeps her head down.


Now a Caucasian post office lady working behind the counter with Asian post office girl witnesses all of this.  She comes and tells JRabbit sorry, the Asian post office girl is always like that, it's not the first time that has happened.


Hmph.  Disgusting, isn't it.  

Blast from the Past III

3. Winnie


Now let's call this pleasant acquaintance Winnie - after Winifred Sanderson, the witch in the kid's film Hocus Pocus.  Why?  She has such an uncanny resemblance to Winifred, namely those beautiful buck teeth.

Winifred, Hocus Pocus

Winnie was probably the most disgraceful and despicable of them all.  Not because she was a shit teacher - she could be fun, and funny sometimes, but her biggest sin was also the worst crime a teacher can ever make... favouritism.  And not just any sort of favouritism - her pets were the Eurasian expatriate students.


It was shameful.  Look in the mirror.  You're Asian.  Your kid(s) is/are Asian.  Why make them feel inferior to Eurasian kids?  It was extra embarrassing because ALL of us in the class could see it, we all knew it - it was so bloody obvious even to a bunch of 11 year olds.  She wanted to make films and plays with the Eurasian kids as the stars, always pointed out stuff about them to the entire class and sat them next to all their friends.  


The crazy thing was, at one occasion, Winnie wanted to be "nice" and decided to move everyone's seating so that everyone could be near to their friends.  My best friends, ChanelFan and PrincessBling were away at the time, so after Winnie changed our seating so that we were grouped together, MerlinFan and I just SMILED at each other.  Winnie saw this and immediately snapped in a very sharp and nasty tone, "But if you talk, I'm going to move your seats!"  WTF.  The rest of the class just looked as bewildered as we felt.  Everyone knew MerlinFan and I were really quiet in school, so where was this sudden personal attack for???  And she seats her pets all together, smiling at them without one word of warning, when some of them were the noisiest in the class!  Psycho bitch.


Oh yes.  There was another occasion that PrincessBling and I never forget, and will always laugh about (now).  We had a test, and during it as usual, everyone was quietly asking to borrowing pens and correction fluid and shit all around us.  I turned around and asked PrincessBling what time it was and she told me.  Winnie comes over suddenly and tears both PrincessBling and my paper in half for talking during a test.  (Why does it seem everyone always gets away with things but when I do it I get penalised for it?  Answer = Loser....) Then as the test ends, she puts the torn pieces of paper together and tells me, gleefully in front of our whole class that I would have gotten the highest mark if I hadn't talked during a test.  @_@  Bitchy.  And to think I was one of the quietest people in class.  I rest my case.


My only hope is that Winnie's children get taught by a teacher who favours white kids, and comes home and complain to her...  And woo, she can proudly tell them, "That's great, honey! Mummy is too!"


ChanelFan, PrincessBling and MerlinFan - my memory doesn't serve me that well anymore... any more bitter stories from the school crypt you'd like to add???

Blast from the Past II

2.  Foul Weather


Now this annoying woman was named so because of the resemblance of her physique to Walt Disney's Merry Weather from Sleeping Beauty - short and tubby.  She was no way as nice or good looking >:P

Merry Weather

Foul Weather had pets in the class.  Yup.  Her pets were the kids who went to her private tuition, and it was pretty damn obvious who they were.


Now my best friends ChanelFan and PrincessBling (sorry guys!) were two amongst her group of teacher's pets.  I used to be really gleeful when we had to do shared projects and presentations because I would always partner up with ChanelFan, and we would automatically get an A for everything we did - well, ChanelFan did, so Foul couldn't very well give her an A and me any less for the same project, right? 


Now, we used to do quizzes and we would usually have to swap test papers with other students to mark answers.  Foul made it very clear to all of us that if we mark our fellow student's test wrongly, she would deduct those marks from us. 


One day, I swapped with PrincessBling.  PrincessBling accidentally marked my paper 76% instead of 96%.  To change my official mark, I had to tell Foul and show it to her.  Thinking it was ME who had marked her precious PrincessBling's quiz paper wrong, Foul instantly gives me a nasty look and say to me sharply, "I'm going to deduct 20 marks off your test paper!"


I tell her calmly, it was PrincessBling who marked my paper 20% less, not me who marked hers wrong.  Foul Weather stares at the paper for a moment then quietly and in a more subdued manner, just says "oh."  And she turns back to her papers without another word.   No mention of deducting marks off PrincessBling, when she was immediately going to deduct a huge 20 marks off my test.  As if it never happened.  Turned a blind eye.  Of course since PrincessBling is one of my best friends, I don't bring it up either.


Still, is that not favouritism?  It pisses me off that she was giving other students such unfair and preferential treatment just because they attended her tuition and so she had to show the parents that they were getting good marks.  The things some of these shit teachers get away with.


And a few years later, after she's demoted from teaching language class, she teachers us something like home economics.  Now MerlinFan and I came back two weeks late from a mid-term holiday because we had chicken pox while on holiday overseas, so we couldn't very well get into the plane and infect everyone onboard and had to stay overseas for a fortnight, missing school.


Now on the first day back to school, Foul has arranged a test and when we say we've never covered the topic because we had just returned, Foul says to us sternly "Who asked you to go for holidays so long?"


WTF???  Excuse me, it's not like we were having a jolly old time when we were quarantined at home and overseas with chicken pox.  Did the headmaster never notify the teachers?  Or did she know but was just having a bitter resentful bitch moment?


Anyway after making super stressed and thinking we're going to get zero marks (by this point I was just sitting there because this was some bloody accounting thing that obviously I didn't know how to do without learning before) she comes and finally tells us ok, she's not going to count the test and we can refer to our book.  >:C  I bet she was just thinking of how she was going to explain to our parents that we got zero because she made us sit for a test we had never learnt on the first day we came back after being sick for two weeks.

Blast from the Past I

Many, many eons ago a friend of mine told me I should write a blog about our school years and obnoxious teachers that came and went.  I never liked posting stuff before, so I always said no... but things change.  My new post is the top few obnoxious teachers (in random order) that my friends and I still occasionally bitch about:

1.  Darth

Her name is not really Darth, obviously, but she is named rightly so, as she looks terribly like a mixture of Darth Maul from Star Wars Ep 1: The Phantom Menace (namely the part where Darth falls down the pit)...

Darth Maul

as well as like a hybrid human that could have stepped off the set of The Simpsons, with her huge googly eyes and Homer-like forehead on an emancipated frame.

The Simpsons

Being a shit teacher was an understatement.  She taught Additional Maths in our final year of high school, and she would turn to the board whenever she explained stuff, so her voice would be all muffled and no one could hear what the hell she was flapping her gums about. She was literally, teaching the blackboard.

She also liked to assign us equations to do, but the thing was, she didn't know how to do them herself.  She would come to ChocolateMuffin, one of my friends who was the smartest person in class (who sat across the aisle from me) and compare answers with her, and ask her how SHE solved the equations.  WTF!  If only our parents knew, a high school kid teaching the teacher how to do math, and the teacher getting paid thousands a year (we were in private school) to teach her.

Darth used to be livid when we would get crap marks, and scold everyone "Why don't you have the decency to go to tuition???"  Seriously.  If you weren't a crap teacher to begin with, we wouldn't NEED to waste extra money to go to tuition.  Our Add Maths class was taught by another teacher the year before, and everyone used to pass with flying colours, and Add Maths used to be so easy to understand.

So, I finally arranged to go to the private tuition of our Add Maths teacher from the year before.  And we weren't surprised on the first day we got there, to see half our class and the next-door class there too.  Fantastic.

Darth was ridiculously biased too.  Now how it worked in our school was that we had a roster of cleaning duty after school every day, and MerlinFan and I along with most of the girls were rostered on every Thursday (there were only eight girls in our entire class).  I swear I never see the rest of the class stay back at all to clean when they were rostered on, so every week, we would be cleaning a week's worth of rubbish.  Of course, the classroom would be the dirtiest on the Thursday, a whole week after it had been last cleaned.  So Darth would come in and get pissed off and scold the girls rostered on Thursday (namely us) and make us take 10 mins out of the class time to clean the bloody classroom.  This would happen almost every week.

Now us girls got sick of it, and one Thursday we decided NOT to clean and just go home like the boys.  And guess what... on the FRIDAY, Darth comes in and gets pissed off because the class is dirty.  And hoho... instead of scolding the boys who were rostered on the day, she turns to the roster, and today, decides to say "Who was rostered on the Thursday and didn't clean the classroom yesterday afternoon?"  

Surprise surprise, we were stuck cleaning the f***ing classroom AGAIN.  

How come when the class was dirty on the Thursday it was OUR fault because we were rostered on for the day?  And how come when it was dirty on the FRIDAY it was OUR fault too, for not cleaning the day before???

And being a student in Asian schools there's no talking back to the teacher.  Their motto is Harry Wormwood's quote in Matilda:  I'm smart, you're dumb; I'm big, you're little; I'm right, you're wrong and there's nothing you can do about it. 

Bitch.

And guess what.  When Scimitar goes to high school almost 10 years later, there she still is, as shitty a teacher as ever.

Revenge To the Sith

Random story.  One day Darth comes into the classroom and trips over some stupid little step into the classroom.  Everyone in the class bursts out laughing... Darth is livid with rage as she glares into the grinning faces of all her students and immediately assigns us pages of homework to do.

Another random story.  A year after we left high school MerlinFan and I happen to see Darth at our local hawker marketplace.  We pretend not to see or recognise her... as we walk away (grinning to each other) we hear her telling a family member who works as a teacher at the primary section of our school, how come we do not recognise her?  Our family member was so horrified she did not know what to say but just grinned nervously. 

LOL.  Correction.  We did recognise you.  We just pretended we didn't know you.  

Bitchy Bitch at Airport (not the drug sniffing Beagle) and more

This chapter was inspired by extra rude run-ins with Airport officers over the years.  While I'm at it, I might as well cover all my bases, starting my lovely rant with obnoxious inflight passengers.


Passengers


This was years ago - I was in a long flight and watching an inflight movie with my headphones on.  I try to recline my chair only to find weirdly enough it is stuck... I have headphones on, so I can't hear what's going on, and I push harder and it feels like its meeting resistance or someone is shoving it from behind.  Thinking its some stupid obnoxious kid pushing or kicking the back of my chair I start to turn when I see a huge face of an angry looking man standing up and glaring at me from behind my seat.  He growls, "I'm sorry! But wait!!!"  


WTF?  Apparently he was trying to get something from the chair beside him.  How was I supposed to know he was there?  He could at least ask me to move forward instead of shoving against my chair roughly like some delinquent kid.  At dude, don't bother saying sorry when you're barking it cos we all know you're not.


Later, his obnoxiousness peaks when his wife wants to change their baby.  She wonders whether the toilet has changing facilities and the man tells her nonchalantly, "Can just change here, what" in true Singlish/Manglish style.


You've got to be kidding, right?  That's sick!  We don't want to be sitting here, a whole plane full of people smelling your kid's piss and shit.  Disgusting.  Not to mention selfish.  And I think they were about to change the kid right there, when an air stewardess happens to pass by and tells them nicely, to please change your baby in the change room.


And of course, there are the most considerate eyebrow and nose hair tweezers in the plane.  Um... don't you think personal grooming should be done in privacy i.e. in the bathroom?


And then there are those people who think that not only are they entitled to their seats, they are entitled to all your baggage compartment space over your head and any empty seats between you. In a MAS flight from KL to London, a very nice air-steward asked me to move to the row behind myself, MerlinFan, PrincessBling and ChanelFan.  There were four seats in the middle row and there was a woman sitting at the aisle seat, and I took the other aisle seat, so there were two empty seats between us.


You'd think I get one empty seat and she can have the other empty seat to stretch out and sleep but nooo.... the chick decides as soon as the safety belt sign goes off to stretch out over her two chairs and rest her head on the middle armrest so her big skull and hair (gross!!!) is hanging out over the empty seat beside me.  Great.  So much for lying down.  As the night progresses, she slowly stretches out and ends up removing all the arm rests and sprawls over THREE seats, using all three sets of pillows and blankets, though I had "claimed" the extra pillow beside me.  Honestly.  Do you need to be so greedy???




Airport Officers


Melbourne Airport sometimes has the rudest airport officers.  Not all of them, some of them are friendly with a smile, but others just reek of RUDO-SITY.  Sure we always arrive at the crack of dawn and not everyone is a morning person, but it just gives a terrible impression of the country when the first people you meet are just obnoxious.


Now Melbourne Airport baggage claim is usually ridiculously packed in the morning with the number of flights coming in at the same time.  The line to the bag declaration section snakes across the entire enormous hall and all the way around baggage claims. Earlier this year, we had the same problem - passengers were to make two lines as they approached the exit.  Now there were three of us travelling together, and as the crowd of people merged into one, a boy happened to get into the line behind the first person (P1) in our party.  Since there was only one of him and three of us, we asked him to go first, and P1 moved aside out of our queue to the space between both lines so that he could pass.


Anyways, suddenly a female airport officer marches by and rudely barks at P1, "You can't be in both lines at once!  You have to choose one.  Get back in line!" She leans over, grabs the handle of P1's trolley and shoves the trolley back roughly back in line. We were appalled by her rudeness... P1 tells her we were just letting the boy pass cos we were travelling together.


A second female officer is walking by and sees the whole exchange and says to the first officer, "You don't always have to be so rude straight away.  Don't be such a bitch!"  


The first officer only laughs proudly.  "That's right.  I'm a bitchy bitch," she concludes, cackling away as they head off together.


WTF.  LOL.  A bitchy bitch indeed.  Oh yeah.  And don't bother apologising or anything.  


Out of Airport


Totally irrelevant to the topic but thought I could add it here as well.  Had a dodgy taxi driver last year too.  He spoke to one of the officers at the airport taxi stand quite affably so I assume he is known to airport staff.  On the way driving us home, he actually pulled out a big baggie filled with weed and started eating it in front of us as he drove.  He saw us watching him and offered it to us "Want some marijuana?" he asks happily.


Geez!! MerlinFan was going to report him - took his taxi number and everything until I reminded her he drove us home so he knows where we live!!!


Melbourne taxi cab companies - maybe you should consider screening your taxi drivers for drugs.

The Rudeness of Ticket Inspectors

I read an article on an mX reporter's unfair treatment by Metro ticket inspectors this week.  There was a faulty validating machine and hence she was waved through by a station officer.  Then, on the train, inspectors checked her unvalidated ticket, called up the previous station and told her the validating machine was in fact working, basically branding her a liar and telling her to expect a fine.  It made me really mad, and it reminded me of an unpleasant experience with a tram inspector just over a year ago.

I had just gotten onto a tram with MerlinFan on Swanston St - the tram was near empty so we both took seats beside a validation machine.  MerlinFan validates her ticket, and I am waiting with my ticket in hand when suddenly a ticket inspector comes up from the back of the train demanding to see my ticket.  I show it to her, telling her I just got on and am waiting for my sister to finish validating her ticket so I can validate mine.  

The ticket inspector says to me "I saw you just now - you got on a few stops down, didn't you?" in an accusing tone.  I was shocked and disbelieving, I told her, "No, you're mistaken, I just got on at the last stop."  

The ticket inspector proceeds to accuse me of being on the tram for a while without validating my ticket and trying to evade my fare, until a nice passenger sitting across from me tells her very firmly, "Excuse me, it's true, they just got on NOW."

The ticket inspector just looks angry and says rudely to me "You're not supposed to sit down until you validate your ticket" before marching away.  No apology, nothing for making a wrong accusation.  

Unbelievable.  There is no such rule that states I must stand and wait to validate my ticket (when I can sit right beside the machine considering the tram is near empty), especially since the tram can make sudden stops and sharp turns.  I thank the good samaritan passenger sitting opposite me for speaking up and putting the inspector in her place.

Ticket inspectors, you need to catch the real fare evaders (Where are you when they are jumping turnstiles and squeezing behind fare paying passengers through mechanical gates everyday?) instead of making honest fare paying passengers like us feel like criminals.

Horror Moving Tales from the Crypt Part III

Yup, unfortunately the saga did not end there.  I wish it did, but it doesn't.  Don't get me wrong, I love our new apartment with the beautiful city night lights, and especially after replacing the blinds and the damaged carpet, and it already feels like home, but we have barely moved in nine days, when another calamity strikes. (And this is not even counting finding a stuck bathroom door handle, and the parts of one of the doors that the tradesman apparently "fixed" suddenly falling out on its own one day!!!)


Back to the topic.  My mother was in the kitchen cooking.  She had a big pot of oil on the stove when range hood (grate) above the stove suddenly comes crashing down unprovoked, right onto her pot oil oil, splashing the oil all over her FACE and body, and all over the kitchen floor.  It was only VERY lucky that the oil was only just starting to heat, not boiling and that she was not burnt at all.  (Note that we did NOT touch the range hood at all since moving in and we only cooked in the kitchen once or twice)


We turn the fallen range hood around, wondering if the clips had come loose or something, instead it looks like both sides have been broken and one side looks suspiciously like someone did a shoddy job of trying to glue it back.


There was no point in calling the real estate agent, cos I know what he would say "the property is no longer a rental property so I can give you the contacts if you want and you have to deal with it yourselves."  So we call the maintenance guy ourselves and he comes and says yes, the range hood is broken, definitely by rough handling.


So of course, we have to wait till he finds us a replacement part, and of course, we're paying for it all ourselves once again.


This is a health hazard - someone could have been seriously injured.  Who knows if the range hood had been previously broken and someone tried to fix it themselves or what, but it is very, very dodgy.  And seems fishy to me that it comes crashing just a week after we moved in.  I mean, how did a broken range hood miraculously fix itself and reattach itself is what I'm wondering.  If that oil had been boiling hot, if anyone in my family had suffered burns because of it, trust me, the agency would have heard from me. 


Early Misgivings


I already had my misgivings about the company right after we settled end of August.  I get an email from the real estate rental agent, saying earlier in the month the tenants reported the washing machine was not working and he had arranged for it to be fixed.  It was going to cost over $260 and he would be deducting this from my incoming rent.  


WTF?  I ask when EXACTLY the tenants reported the faulty washing machine and why I'm paying for it from my incoming rent when the report was made prior to my settlement?  He replies the maintenance was reported prior to my settlement date and as I'm the new owner, I'm liable for the cost of all repairs.


Bullshit.  That doesn't sound right to me, so I called my lawyer the next day and ran it by him.  (Stan from Nuri & Kiratzis, recommended to me by the Commonwealthbank loans officer - he does a great job, happy to explain everything in detail and happy to be contacted and ensure everything is A-ok even after we settled and paid him :D) 


Anyway yes, Stan confirmed that legally we were not liable for the cost.  Explanation: The damage occurred between when we signed the contract (July) and settlement (end of Aug). According to the terms of the contract, the vendor carries the risk of the loss or damage to the property until settlement.  I told the Melcorp agent, apparently according to the report, the washing machine was working when we inspected it prior to signing.  Therefore the damage occurred BETWEEN signing of the contract and the actual settlement, which means the vendor did not deliver the property to us in the same condition it was on the day of sale and is therefore liable to the cost of repairs.  I tell him too, sorry if this is a hassle for you (the vendor is overseas) but your company should have notified us of the faulty washing machine prior to settlement since you were already aware of it weeks before, and I would have insisted it be fixed prior or claim compensation from the vendor after settlement as stated under the Conditions of sale (I also gave him a page and index number in case he wanted to read it LOL).  Hmph.  Told him too if he's not happy or if he has any issues with this to kindly contact my lawyer.  :P


He couldn't argue with that.  Don't screw with me.  I'm not stupid enough to pay something blindly like that.  It's disgraceful that he as a real estate agent didn't know who is legally liable to pay for repairs and just slaps me with the costs of repairs just because I'm here, because it's more "convenient" as the vendor is overseas.  And extremely shady that he sat there through the settlement and not one word of this came out.  I'm a landlord, not a real estate agent.  I don't want to tell you how to do your job, but I will if you give me no choice.

Horror Moving Tales from the Crypt Part II

Recap:  Remember when I told the agent that he said the apartment was going to be professionally cleaned but it wasn't?  Remember what he said... "It's clean, but it's not professionally cleaned."


You have got to be kidding, mate....


As soon as we opened the door to our new apartment, we were not awe-struck, but horror-struck....

Rubbish and remnants of broken furniture, cat food, kitty litter, tuffs of cat fur and cigarette stubs lay strewn all around as if it had been sucked up by a hurricane and vomited back up all over the living room.  It was appalling.  We brought a camera to take pictures of the place, but I was too horrified by the state of the place to remember.  (Now looking back I really wish I had taken a few snapshots as evidence of the chaos)

We wandered tentatively into the bedrooms to find the pro cleaner pair cleaning the bathrooms.  One of the cleaners turned to us with an almost furious look in his eyes, asking us if we were the owners.  We told him yes, we just bought the place and the previous tenants had just moved out.  He went into a fiery rant, asking did we see the apartment yesterday?  Did we see the bathrooms, and how it was a horrible mess, if we thought this was bad, it was worse yesterday, and that he already cleaned out a heap of rubbish from it and yet, there was MORE! 

Then he proceeded to ask have we seen the bedroom?  (shaking his head with disbelieving look, stating "I don't know what the agent is going to do, it's just going to have to come out of the tenant's bond!") He proceeded to give us a tour of our destroyed bedroom and how the previous tenants had ripped off the wall hooks they had stuck on the walls (instead of pulling down the tabs of the double sided tape like you were meant to) and in the process ripped out huge holes in the plaster of the wall!!!  There were also scratches in the door and some weird mark like a large smear of red nail polish in the paint of the bathroom door. 


The pro cleaner looking very annoyed and frustrated, asking "Where's the real estate agent?! He told me he was going to come up now, where is he?"  Um... maybe he was too embarrassed to be here seeing the place looking like such a dump in front of the new owners who he just assured the place was "clean?"

I don't blame the cleaners at all.  I would be pissed off too, if I were faced with such a disaster zone.  How the tenants were planning to clean the apartment themselves without having the pros in was just mental!  I'm only glad I came in time to see the bathroom already 3/4 cleaned and not in all its filthy glory.

There were numerous other things too... the wooden skirting on the other bathroom door was completely destroyed - the cleaner pointed out it was due to the tenants letting water run down the walls, not to mention(as the cleaner stressed) EIGHT replaced lights and some missing power point covers (what in the world would anyone want with them?!).  Not only that, but there were also cracks in the grouting, paint stripped from the skirting in the rooms (not fine flimsy scratches but LONG, thick ones) and chips in the plaster in the wall corners/ craters in one bedroom wall like it had been hit with something heavy at a great impact.  The same went with the front door, a deep long scratch in the paint that went all the way down into the wood and a huge chip in the edge of the door.  Seriously?  What could you possibly do to chip the side of the door like that???


Not only that but there was also a massive rotten table in the middle of one of the bedrooms - the cleaner asked us "is this yours?  do you want it - if not we'll throw it away."  Of course we didn't want it!  It was totally rude and disrespectful of the tenants to just leave junk in the apartment and throw rubbish into the bathroom/bath tub using it as a junk pile just because they knew professional cleaners were going to come.  You can at least get rid of your own junk so that the pro cleaners don't have to do that for you and they can get on with what they're supposed to do!

The cleaners told us later that afternoon that it was too dirty and they couldn't finish on the day, so they would have to return the next day to finish up and do the steam clean.  That was how dirty the place was.  Not exaggerating.  I'm sure the pro cleaners have seen lots of dirty apartments in their lifetimes, but if it was enough to make them so worked up, it must have been on the top of their list of nightmare homes to clean!

And ho, the day after the steam clean we went back to inspect the apartment.  Though cleaner and much more presentable, we discovered more... a huge, green stain on the bedroom floor along with multiple burn marks that looked as though it came from a hot hair straightener sitting on the floor.  And note I said MULTIPLE.  Meaning the previous tenant had obviously seen one burn and continued doing it without any heed to the damage she was doing.  Nice.  Not only that but there was a very obvious white stain (?bleached) patch on the living room carpet that stood out starkly against the dark grey.  Bloody obvious too, since it's smack there when you walk in.  Fan-bloody-tastic.

Sigh.  How can some people treat other people's property with such disrespect, is what I'm wondering.  In my previous rental apartment where I stayed 5 years, our bond was returned in FULL. 

Which brings me to the question of why no vacating inspection was done prior to the tenants leaving?  In my current rental apartment where I've stayed 7 years, the property manager had inspected it three weeks ago and also asked us if there was anything not functioning that needed to be repaired BEFORE we moved out.  (See what I was saying about efficient?  Note this was three WEEKS prior to our vacating.)


It's been over a week now since the tenants moved out, and STILL the repairs are ongoing.  And to make things more frustrating, the Melcorp rental agent from Part I tells me yes, he can arrange for the repairs but it will be at my own expense.

WTF.  Hey, dude, the tenants should already consider themselves lucky - we were already being nice and not complaining about the permanent burns and stains in the carpet and deciding to replace the carpet at our own expense.  So fine, I run this by my landlord insurer Terri Scheer who reply promptly and tell me I can put in a claim form and they can assess it.  So I email the Melcorp real estate agent asking for the required documents for my landlord insurance claim.  Suddenly, he emails me back saying the tenants are compensating us some cash.  Why was none of this mentioned before?  I feel like we are constantly being kept in the dark and things are somewhat dodgy on their end.  Were they going to compensate us all along, or did the agent just throw that in at the last minute because he didn't feel like doing more paperwork???  You have to admit, it is very suspicious.

The Saga continues.  Stay tuned for more horror moving tales from the crypt.

Horror Moving Tales from the Crypt Part I

I was looking forward to the day we finally got the keys to my first apartment.  I bought the apartment from Melcorp two months prior and was waiting patiently for the end of the tenants' contract to move in.  I was assured very confidently by the real estate agents at Melcorp upon settlement that I would receive the keys on the Tuesday after the tenants vacated, with the apartment professionally cleaned.  I had it all planned out.  I had requested several days off from work so I could get someone in to do a measure and quote for the blinds, do a bit of cleaning (de-sanitising!), do measurements for new furniture and maybe move a few things in before the big move in two weeks.

Maybe it was me being naive, maybe I had too high expectations... I didn't bother calling the agent the week before to remind him of the professional clean as I was assured multiple times by two agents that this would already be done on the day I received the keys.

Boy, was I so wrong.  

We had looked at blinds in Hawthorn over the weekend, and the saleslady there had very efficiently called me back the Tuesday, asking if the blinds consultant could come on the Wednesday to do a measure and quote.  (We wanted to get it done asap as we were told it sometimes takes 4 weeks for the blinds to be done.)  It was only for that reason that I called Melcorp, asking if the professional clean had been done.

Imagine my surprise, when I was told by the rental agent that the professional clean would not be done until Friday!  That was THREE whole days from when the tenants returned the keys.  Appalled, I asked why the professional clean was going to be done that late.  Apparently, the rental agent had only recently found out that the tenants were planning to do the cleaning by themselves (hello, "PROFESSIONAL clean" anyone???) and by then it was too late and the earliest pro clean they could book was on Friday.  This was absurd - I asked if we could please have the clean done today or tomorrow!  I was told by the agent that he would try to get pro cleaners in tomorrow, and get back to me in 5 minutes.

Guess what.  I didn't hear back from him and it took two separate phone calls two hours later to finally get through to him.  The agent said the best he could do was the professional clean on Wednesday although he could not tell me when during the day and when it would be finished.  Great.  That's one day wasted of my requested days off that I would not be able to do anything.

After thinking this over, I got more annoyed over this.  It was ridiculous.  I have rented and vacated apartments before, and with my previous experiences with Poole & Levy and IEC Real Estate, they were very efficient and specific about having to arrange our professional clean on the day BEFORE or ON the day we handed over the keys so the next person could move in without delay.  So I asked Melcorp about this policy, since technically, if the apartment is not cleaned, no one else could move in and wouldn't this still be considered "occupied by the tenants"? (maybe not by the people, but their germs!)  So shouldn't they be liable for another day's rent?  The agent was very adamant that nope, they had no policy for when the professional clean needed to be done and they would only pay until the day of return of keys. (So... if I rented with Melcorp, I could hightail it out of there and stuff it, wait till the last minute and get the cleaners in the week after???)  I asked since the tenants were planning to arrange the pro clean on Friday (3 days later) you would have let them without paying me 3 days rent for 3 days? (seriously, what can you do in a dirty apartment???)  BTW he played dumb and just replied "as far as I know, the tenants are only paying rent till Tuesday."

I asked him so who's responsibility was in the first place to ensure the tenants understood and knew they were supposed to get the apartment PROFESSIONALLY cleaned rather than home cleaning?  And the rental agent very forcefully replied "it's no one's responsibility!"  Wrong answer!  Aren't we paying you a fee every month to "manage" our property on our behalf?  Isn't it YOUR job to ensure the tenants are aware of their responsibilities prior to vacating? And he very stubbornly insisted "there IS no problem." No apology, no nothing.  Yeah.  I told him "Yeah, there's a problem for me.  I've taken two days off and I can't do anything now so this is just wasting my time.  You said the apartment was going to be professionally cleaned and it isn't."  Know what his answer was?  "The apartment is clean, but not PROFESSIONALLY clean!"  

Am I expecting too much?  I thought this was standard!  I'm comparing this to the efficiency and diligence of IEC Real Estate, where I am currently renting.  When I went to sign my end of lease contract, the director of the agency told me very specifically what I had to do and when, as well as recommended me people they trusted for pro cleaning.  Not only that, but a week later, when the property manager came for a vacating inspection of the apartment, he personally brought a printed letter with instructions on what needed to be done and checked again that we knew we had to arrange a pro clean as well as recommended people the agency usually used.  Now is this just incredibly efficient, or standard???  ( I know now which real estate agency I would use if I ever want to rent out our apartment next time!)

Anyway, the problem did not end here.  The nightmare was only just beginning as we collected our keys and headed up to our apartment on Wednesday....

Continue to Part II

The Red-Faced Tale of Red Energy

This is a tale of complete shadiness.  Just google Red Energy Reviews and you'll see a ton of similar stories.


This happened at our old apartment - now we know that door-to-door knocking and salesmen are not permitted in the building, so when we heard someone knocking on our front door (without buzzing us downstairs first) we deliberately didn't answer because we knew it was most likely going to be some dodgy sales rep trying to push you to buy something dodgy.  They tried a couple of days, once even buzzing us from downstairs - we said no, we're not interested in changing our electric company but they came up and knocked on our door again!


Anyway, one day I was coming back home and I got out the lifts on my floor when I was approached by two Indian guys.  Now they were not wearing uniform and had no name tags, just holding a folder, which already seems a bit dodgy to me.  They immediately ask me if I'm staying at my apartment and that they represent a few different companies and noticed that a lot of people in our building had been billed wrongly and that he needed to see our electric bill to check.  I thought this sounded really weird and I ask which company does he represent, and he names a few, including AGL which I'm with.  And I ask, so, does the IEC real estate agent know you people are here? He tells me yes.  (Thinking back I should have made it more of a challenge and asked him, so, what's my real estate agent's name? LOL)


Anyways I didn't know if this was real or not (seemed awfully dodgy still to me!) so I went to my apartment, asked them to wait at the front door and got a bill to show him.  I ask MerlinFan to call the real estate agent to ask if this is legit but she refuses, as usual, wants nothing to do with it.  @_@  


The salesman starts explaining stuff about how our electric company is overcharging us and how I could save more and then takes out a form that suspiciously looks like a bloody contract and asks for my details.  He then starts telling me in a week I'll see a document with Red Energy on top of it and I'm like wait a minute!!! I make MerlinFan wait with him and I get on the phone and call the office downstairs.


Anyhoo, basically when I call and explain the situation, the real estate guy downstairs was already like "Which company did they say they were from?  Is it Red?"  I answer, "yup!"  


The agent asks me "Are they still there?"  And I tell him, "yes, he was on my floor, he met me at the lifts when I got out.  He's standing at my door right now."  The real estate agent was like "Don't talk to them.  It's a scam."


Too right.  So I went to the Red salesmen and tell them look, I've spoken with the real estate agent and the office doesn't know you're here, they have nothing to do with you.  The Red salesmen still stubbornly asks me "what exactly did your real estate agent say?"  I was more than happy to tell him, "That you're a scam, and don't talk to you."  Sorry.  I'm not going to sugar coat things if you're lying to me.


The Red salesman was really persistent, still stubbornly saying "can I speak to your real estate agent then?" (Ahem... thought you said they knew you were here, buster... uh oh, someone's pants is on fire...)  


I told him "sure!  If you have a mobile phone I can give you their number, or you can just go downstairs to the IEC office just around the corner!"


So they left dejectedly - after of course I made them return that form where they wrote my details.  And later as we were leaving in the afternoon, we saw them dodgily pushing the buzzer at the main entrance and harassing people on the floor above ours.


Honestly, I've never heard of this company before that day.  After they left, we googled Red Energy and found out how many conman stories there were of Red door to door representatives trying to scam people into changing energy companies with the same lie... even found similar stories to ours!


Needless to say, a notice came up on our apartment entrance the next week, saying door-to-door knocking is NOT permitted, if so you will be asked to leave, if not, the residents will be calling the police.  LOL.